


Motion Sickness

by ohhotdans



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic, scullys pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29603601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhotdans/pseuds/ohhotdans
Summary: This is a songfic based off of "Motion Sickness" by Phoebe Bridgers (a song i love and now know ALL the words to)!This is a collection of short vignettes based on each section of the song. Stanza?All of these are from Scully's perspective and deal with her relationship with and feelings toward Mulder. It is set in various times throughout the series.Enjoy!
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I did not make up any of these characters that's chris carter's thing (unfortunately)
> 
> The first chapter(?): Season 9 ish, William is there but Mulder is not. Maybe a little off canon, I don't know. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"I hate you for what you did  
And I miss you like a little kid  
I faked it every time but that's alright  
I can hardly feel anything  
I hardly feel anything at all"

After he had come back from the dead, she had felt a sense of relief. He was here. He was ok. He would be there for their child. She knew him, and she knew that he’d have as much conviction and dedication for the baby as his quest for the truth. Or so she thought. They had both witnessed— taken part— in the miracle by which she had ceased being barren and conceived a child. 

Everything changed when William was born. In the months leading up to his birth, she and Mulder had seemed to be growing closer by the minute. But when she had returned to her apartment, Scully had only seen him that one night. After that, it was as though he had dropped off the face of the earth. She had some inside information to contact him, but it was complicated. With a baby to care for without him, her resentment grew even as she staunchly defended him to anyone else. 

She kept telling herself that he was doing this for her and Williams own good. At night, when she stared up at her ceiling trying to fall asleep, her voice would whisper “he’s doing it for me and William” endlessly. Or until she fell asleep. Deep down, Mulder was bringing up a lot of anger, and she was taking it out on the people who were here to care about her. John searched endlessly for Mulder and kept the x files alive. Monica delivered William and stayed with her at the hospital when Mulder insisted he couldn’t stay long because it wasn’t safe. She held her hand when Scully called her for help with William out of desperation. And she never passed judgement. Squeezing her eyes close, she remembered herself snapping at her own mother over the phone. William started fussing in the other room. 

As she picked up her son and thought about his father. Anger and hate burned through her chest for what did— abandoned them. Soothing William, she tried to think of things she missed as much as she missed Mulder right now. Maybe when her father had to be at sea for a long time? It was a similar hurt— resentment and pain for leaving, but also love because it’s for her own good. She really missed him like a little kid. 

William had calmed, and she placed him back in his crib, heading towards her bed again. 2:30 am. She had to be at work soon. Whenever someone asked about Mulder, she became defensive, but insisted that she was perfectly fine. She knew everyone knew she was faking it. But that only numbed the feeling more. If no one pressed her about it, it was easier to ignore— easier to not feel anything at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during season 2 and 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chris carter made these characters not me :/

"You gave me fifteen hundred  
To see your hypnotherapist  
I only went one time, you let it slide  
Fell on hard times a year ago  
Was hoping you would let it go and you did"

it had been a week since she had woken up from her coma. raised from the dead. she had spent some time recovering physically, but as a doctor she knew that at some point her mind was going to come up from behind her and paralyze her with fear. It had begun already. She returned to her apartment to see the smashed window where Barry had come through to take her was replaced, tape left on the window in a distinctive x shape. It reminded her of Mulder, and she realized that he had probably paid for it. She knew him well enough by now that he would torture himself for the rest of his life for what happened to her.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, not for herself, but for Mulder. She didn’t want this to happen, it was a mistake to ring that barcode at the store. She shouldn’t have done that. ever since she found herself in the hospital bed, an enormous sense of guilt shrouded her. It felt wrong to be here now. She didn’t know what they had done to her. Who took her? She reminded herself that being in her apartment would get better, it had only been a week. She made tea and fell asleep, setting her alarm for work in the morning. 

When she arrived in the doorway of the basement office, Mulder was already there. He smiled upon seeing her face and waved her over. 

“I got muffins, do you want one? The cornbread ones are really good……” he said in a genuine voice that reminded her why she was able to work with him, despite their differences. 

Scully nodded and unwrapped the waxy paper that held the bottom in place. 

After a moment, Mulder, in an almost whispered tone, said “we don’t have to talk about it right now. I’d like to at some point because it’s important—“ he caught himself before saying something that could hurt her, and continued, “to me that you’re ok. If you don’t want to talk to me, I can find someone for you to talk to.” 

Scully looked up from her muffin that she had been picking at increasingly as Mulder spoke. “Mulder, I think I’m fine. I don’t know about how I’ll feel in the future, but for now, I’m ok.” Scully let out, not at all combative as she thought it might’ve come off. She was being vulnerable. With Mulder. She felt so weak and her eyes started to burn a little bit. 

Instead of commenting on her worrying physical reaction to his words, he reached his hand over to hers and said “Dana, I’m always here for you. Your partner. You will get through this. I’m going to give you a card for my hypnotherapist” he reached into a desk drawer and fiddled around until he found an envelope and pressed it into her hand. “Please go see him, he could help you remember things that could be important for your closure and might help us figure out who took you in the first place” he said as he stared into her eyes— into her soul. 

Scully took the envelope and put it in her wallet. She took a deep breath and perked up to ask what was on the docket for the day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 2:15 pm on a Saturday. She and Mulder had just returned from Florida. It had been hot and frustrating. Mulder had wanted to continue the investigation even after they weren’t needed, but she had miraculously been able to get him back in the car and all the way back to Washington. There was something so unsettling about their most recent case, but something else was lurking under her skin— she could feel it. As she sat on her couch, trying to figure it out, she caught a glance of her window. From this angle, fear flashed into her. It felt like she was hit by a lightning bolt as her eyes stung with tears and her breathing started to get out of control. She got herself some water and stood in her kitchen, thoughts flying through her mind; bouncing around her brain. Suddenly, one of the thoughts stuck. Hypnotherapist. She remembered the envelope Mulder had given her a year ago. She tore through drawers until she found it because to her, at that moment, it was the most important thing in the world. 

She picked up the envelope and opened it, embarrassed at her willingness to even think about a nonscientific method of treatment. In it, she found a business card with the number, a note, and a check for $1500. her eyes widened as she read the note:

Scully—

I hope this isn’t imposing too much, but I think it’s really important for you to see this doctor. I know you are quite the skeptic, but working with him has brought me great personal comforts. I care about you and your health, and as your personal psychologist and friend, I think this would be good. 

Let me cover this. I caused this all to happen to you, so let me help. 

Come talk after you’ve gone, whenever that is, if you want. 

— Mulder. 

Scully stared at the note and the check and the card back and forth. A weird feeling came over, similar to panic, but with more confusion. Before she knew it, the phone was at her ear, and she was waiting for someone at the office to pick up. 

It was in a nondescript office park, which made it easy for her to feel less embarrassed. Scully had on a sweatshirt, jeans, sunglasses, and a baseball hat. She didn’t know why she was taking such measures to hide herself, but she guessed that it was out of shame. It’s true that she was embarrassed. It’s true that she had been raised in a military family where “getting help” was taboo. She slipped into the waiting room and sat. She waited until the doctor called her in. 

Scully delivered her story and symptoms blankly and with no hint of emotion, except for the occasional twitch of the eye that was a result of trying to control her tear ducts. It worked. She explained that she wasn’t even doing this for herself, but for her best friend. (Best friend? she wondered where that came from) the doctor listened to her, and she reluctantly allowed herself to be hypnotized. Afterwards, the doctor gave her a copy of the audio tape, and a summary of what had happened. She left once their brief discussion had ended and she paid. when she was finally sat in her car, she brought her sweatshirt up to cover her face and screamed into it. The crying was uncontrollable and alien to her. She felt like she didn’t know where it had come from. When she had calmed, she rolled the window down to let the air in. It was chilly, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going back. 

She walked into the basement office the next day to find Mulder looking intently at something on the table. He didn’t seem to notice her, so she began to open her mouth to tell him about her visit to the hypnotherapist. Before she could get anything out, Mulder realized she was there and launched into an in depth description of their next case. She felt any gates she had opened for him slam shut as she listened to him speak. Her retorts fell out like normal, and it felt as though nothing had happened at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set after leonard betts. lots of scully angst.

"I have emotional motion sickness  
Somebody roll the windows down  
There are no words in the English language  
I could scream to drown you out"

The sky was grey. Her chest hurt. Solely psychosomatic, but the pain was still real. Her car was cruising down a sparsely populated highway in Pennsylvania somewhere. She had needed to get out and intended to just drive until she couldn’t anymore.

At six in the morning, the feeling of blood running down her nose and into the back of her throat woke her. She hadn’t told anyone about her cancer, it was something she only strongly suspected at this point. She was no oncologist, but she knew the telltale signs, and she knew what Leonard betts had said to her. Now she was on the road, thinking as the sky spit rain down on her. 

Her and Mulder had become as close as partners could be and more, but this information she had about her health was something she felt like she needed to keep to herself. She would go to the doctor on Monday, but she didn’t know when she would tell Mulder. If she would tell him. She felt so ashamed. She was the strong one. 

Her eyes started to fill with tears and she became flushed all of a sudden. Keeping her eyes on the road, she leaned her arm down and rolled the window down. Her emotions seemed to spiral at that point— she was unbelievably sad. And then angry. And then scared. She kept driving. 

She thought about Mulder. He was the reason that she had gone through all of these traumatic events. The abduction was his fault. She joined the x files because she was assigned. She stayed because of him. Scully only allowed herself these selfish thoughts at times like this; alone and moving in a different direction from where he was. 

On drives like these, she let herself feel things. Today was out of control, though. Tears were streaming down her face while she multitasked driving and crying. All of a sudden she just screamed. And keep yelling. No words, just sound. Air exiting her body, leaving her a crumpled paper bag. And repeat. She could never rationalize words to accurately describe her feelings about Mulder, but it seemed now like she didn’t need words. It was hard to describe him in the English language in an ordinary situation or time, so it was doubly hard to drown him out when all she could think about was him. 

At about one in the afternoon, she had been driving aimlessly since she had hopped in the car at seven in the morning. The ride and screaming had made her motion sick, and she realized that she was coming up on the end of Pennsylvania. Lake Erie lay ahead of her, so she drove until she got to the water. There was a diner near a park overlooking the lake. She looked in the rear view mirror to see her face still red around the eyes, but not as bad as she thought. 

The air was stagnant as she walked towards the diner door and entered. She sat in a booth, and a kind waitress came over to give her the menu. Without looking at it, Scully ordered fries and a chocolate shake in a hoarse voice. If she’s going to die soon, what’s the point of worrying over a meal? 

She sat and ate her food and drank her milkshake, something she hadn’t indulged in in a long time. She turned to look out of the window that her booth was against, and saw the lake before her. The water captivated her, she’s familiar with water, having lived on navy bases close to it most of her life. She had never seen Lake Erie though. At least not like this. Maybe it was just the cathartic screaming in the car for hours, but it all seemed eerily magical. 

When she finished her food, she paid, tipped the nice waitress, and strolled to the wall that ran along the open lake. Similarly to when she was in the diner, she stared out at the water. After a while, Scully walked back to her car and got in, heading back home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the earlier seasons-- i took lots of creative freedom with this one, so it's mostly my own storyline. It is mostly serves as a vehicle to get Scully's emotions across, not for adventure. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"I'm on the outside looking through  
You're throwing rocks around your room  
And while you're bleeding on your back in the glass  
I'll be glad that I made it out  
And sorry that it all went down like it did"

she hadn’t had plans that weekend. maybe if she had some, it wouldn’t be like this. But that could be an excuse for any number of spontaneous outings Mulder convinced her to go along with. She’ll never say he “dragged her” because she always went with him willingly. Sometimes with more caution and worry, but always willingly. She thinks. 

Right as she was packing up to leave work, Mulder looked up and met her eyes. She stopped what she was doing because she knew the look in his eyes would lead to some sort of important thing he would say. 

“Scully, I got a message from the lone gunmen today. They have a tip into a government program that trafficked young girls to a location in Maine for testing in the 70s.” Mulder told her, deadpan. 

She knew this was serious. She placed her things down and walked towards Mulder's desk to sit and listen. 

“I want to go up there this weekend. I need to see if they have Sam…. if she was there at all.” Mulder hesitated before continuing “I have a feeling she was. I’ve been researching and thinking all day. Geographically it would make sense.” 

“Mulder, I don’t know how safe that will be.” She looked into his eyes. 

He smiled and said, shakily, “I’m always safe with you Dr. Scully.” 

She smiled back and cleared her mind before asking, “ok agent Mulder, where are we headed?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the middle of night in the middle of nowhere. Mulder was able to get them a flight to an airport in presque isle, Maine to then drive an additional distance to the closest motel in proximity to the supposed government site. This government site wasn’t even in a town with a name— it was just numbers. 

She had been dozing off for a while until she felt the car come to a sudden stop. It wasn’t so jarring to scare her, just snap her back into reality. She looked over at Mulder who was craning his neck to see beyond the windshield. 

“Mulder, what’s going on?” She said sleepily. 

Mulder turned his attention to her and said, “it’s nothing, a small animal tried to make itself roadkill. I saw a sign for a motel back a bit that should be coming up”. 

She nodded and they continued down the road a few minutes to a motel with buzzing neon signs that declared it’s obvious vacancies. Mulder pulled in and they stepped into the office to see a young woman, probably about 20 years old, behind the desk. 

When the bell above the door had rang, she jumped and began reaching her hand backwards to the shotgun sitting behind her before looking up to see them. 

“Sorry, we don’t get a lot of people here. How can I help you?” She asked, looking embarrassed. 

Scully smiled at the girl as Mulder answered, “no big deal, in the middle of the woods alone I’d be scared too. Do you have two conjoined rooms?” 

The girl rose to her feet and grabbed two keys, answering “yes, here you go. How will you being payi—“ 

Mulder cut her off by taking the keys and paying in cash. After a quiet thank you, they walked back out into the night to their rooms. Locking the doors outside and making sure the conjoining door was unlocked, they said goodnight and went to bed. 

It was a hazy morning, and she heard a knock on her door as she was just done getting dressed. This wasn’t “official FBI business”, so she just wore jeans and a sweatshirt with her hair up out of her face. She was sure she’d be climbing through the forest later. 

She opened the door to an equally appropriately dressed Mulder and knew she was right. He handed her a danish and some coffee that was surely from the office. She let him in and they sat and ate breakfast while he explained where they were going in more depth. The look on his face was worrying her— it was one she hadn’t seen in a while. Complete faith, blind hope, and even excitement. 

As they got in the car, she held the map to direct Mulder. 

“Scully, I can feel it. I know today is the day.” He said. She gave him a quick nod and studied the map. 

Soon they had come to a hiking trail off the side of the road. Mulder parked. 

“This is it, Scully. Down this path. We should just come upon it.” He told her excitedly. 

“Mulder, stop.” He looked at her. “What if…… this is not what you’re looking for?” She said in one breath. 

“Scully, I think it is.” He said as he started down the trail. His confidence was really starting to get to her, but she followed anyway. 

The trail they were on was not for the faint of heart. Hilly and twisty, she was starting to get nervous that they wouldn’t be able to find their way back to the car. All of a sudden, the trail ended to a wide expanse of land. Mulder had been several strides ahead of her the whole time, but he had stopped now. She came up to stand next to him, only to see an airfield with what seemed to be the remains of many small, concrete houses. Wire fencing surrounded it, but it was gnarled and completely broken in some places. It was clear that no one had been there for years, and that there was no one looking out for it now. 

“Mul—“ she began to whisper before he took off on a jog towards the building. She ran behind him to catch up. 

When they reached the small houses, she felt a strange sense of familiarity. It could be growing up in houses on the naval bases. They all looked the same as these ones. But not quite. Mulder was wandering down the street, going from window to window to peer in. 

“Mulder, these all look abandoned. I think it’s an old military base!” She shouted down the street at him. He had stopped and was looking at one specific house. She caught up to him and tried to find what he was looking at. 

“Scully, I’ve never seen houses like these before. At least not for families to live in.” He said as he walked towards the door of the glorified concrete slab. She followed him as he opened the door and slipped in. The floor was littered with smashed glass, rocks, and paper. There was also some sticky golden brown substance coating everything. 

Getting out a tube she had brought for evidence collection at Mulders insistence, she placed a bit of that substance inside and sealed it up. Her only guess was that it could be sap, but there was just too much. She’d have it tested. 

All of a sudden, she heard a smash from another room. She looked up and Mulder was not with her. Her heart rate began to rise as she frantically looked down a hallway of rooms.

“Mulder?” She shouted as she rounded the corner into a room where he stood with what looked like a really old nightgown and book in his hand. The other hand was bleeding, and as he looked up, she saw the rawest expression of pain on his face. 

“Scully she was here” his voice wavered. “And I was too late.” 

She looked at him, walking over to check out his hand, “Mulder, who knows how long this place has been closed. It looks like a while. Who knows what could’ve happened?” 

She looked back up at him from his hand to see anger growing in his eyes. Not at her, she knew that. But she realized quickly that she needed to back up. As she scooted back, he dropped the nightgown and book to walk out to the main room. She glanced at the book and saw it was a journal with “Sam’s diary” printed on the front. The handwriting matched how an 8 year old might write. 

She followed Mulder back into the main room until she stopped short to see him throwing the rocks that coated the floor at walls and windows. The only thing she could do was stand in the doorway and watch this extremely vulnerable moment. He was so fueled by anger, sending rocks careening and smashing glass, seemingly unaware of her presence on the outside. 

Soon he ended up on his back staring at the ceiling. His hands were bleeding bad now, as he had definitely picked up more broken glass while throwing rocks. Slowly, she walked over to him. 

“Mulder, hey, can I see your hands?” She examined his hands, and her concern abated slightly as there were no serious wounds requiring stitches. 

“Scully, how many times do you think she sat right here, looking at this ceiling?” He asked. 

She turned her attention away from his hands. “I’m not sure, we don’t know what they even did here. I don’t think we’ll figure it out from inside this building either.” She answered as she helped him up. Mulder looked at her and then darted back into the room where they had been. 

He returned before she could make a move to follow with the nightgown and book. She whisked them out into the street. It was just as desolate as when they had entered but something felt different. In a dreadful type of way. 

“Come on Mulder, let’s head back to the car— are you ok?” she said as she felt his body weight leaning against her as they moved towards the trail. He looked almost sick, and not just in an emotionally exhausted way. Quickening her pace, she made it to the trail with Mulder in tow without looking back. When she did, the sky looked considerably darker than it was when they left the building. She felt fear building up with every step she took. Mulder stumbled with her and she threw him into the car when they got back to the road. With the car door open, she took one final look at the trail opening from across the car roof, and swore she saw a face in the leaves of the trees. Slamming the door and hitting the gas, she made her way back to the motel. 

Mulder was still feeling groggy, but was more aware now that they had left the concrete neighborhood behind. He sat on his bed as she cleaned and dressed the cuts on his hands. 

“Scully, where did these come from?” He asked with a nervous cadence in his voice. “Am I the second coming of Christ or something?” 

And there’s the joke. She looked up and smiled. “You got them throwing rocks around a room and breaking windows.” 

Mulder let out a loud laugh. “Well, I guess I was just reliving my youth!” He glanced across the room. “What are these?” Touching the book and nightgown, his eyes widened in realization. “Scully, how did we get out of that building?”

She looked at him in shock, did he really not remember? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the rental car was packed, and Mulder was just checking out now. She leaned up against the car looking into the trees, a breeze going through her hair. Mulder approached, “ready to go g-woman?” He smiled at her. She nodded and stepped into the passenger seat. His smile wasn’t genuine. They had looked closer at the nightgown and journal the previous night to see that none of it was related to Sam at all. The gunmen had sent over additional proof that the compound they stumbled upon was really just an unconventionally designed abandoned military base. The sensation of terror she felt and Mulders instantaneous weakness were very real, though. She still had the gold substance, and was planning on testing it. 

Once they were on the road in silence for a bit, she couldn’t help but say, “I’m glad that we made it out, sorry that it all turned out like it did.” Because that’s how she felt. Not until she was sitting in the passenger seat, looking at the green trees speeding by, did she wonder why she came. Tragedy had been avoided once again, but there was still this unsettled feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t pinpoint an explanation for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is an immediately post giving away William story. I haven't really watched the mythology episodes in season 9 in a while, so this is probably canon divergent. But all of these are lol. 
> 
> This is very sad I think, but it features Monica Reyes as a supportive friend which I always love to see. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"I have emotional motion sickness  
Somebody roll the windows down  
There are no words in the English language  
I could scream to drown you out"

The door had just closed when she let out a scream. It didn’t come out too loud, but it traveled through of her and down her spine. She stood, staring at the hinges and wood that separated her and William forever. Her mom had left after saying her goodbyes to her grandson with a sour look at Dana. She knew that her mother harbored resentment towards her, and that’s what seemed to make it that much worse. Monica stood next to her kitchen table. Scully wasn’t looking at her, but she felt her eyes. Nonjudgmental and only wanting to be there for her. Holding back to not overstep. 

As her breathing became more shallow and her rage turned into the crushing weight of sadness and guilt, she glanced over to Monica who made her way over to bring her into her embrace. She had been there for her since she delivered William, and looking back, even before then. With Mulder gone and on the run, Monica had been there to help care for William with a devotion that sometimes left her in awe. Monica had spent so many nights on the couch, letting her sleep or have time to herself. And when the decision about giving away William came to a head, Monica had been there to listen and offer support. 

Now she led her over to the living room, where they sat on opposite ends of the couch. 

“Dana, do you want me to put on some music? That helps me sometimes.” Monica finally said. 

Snapped out of the daze she was in, Dana suddenly felt nauseous and managed to croak out, “please open a window” before sprinting to the bathroom to puke. She heard a window opening quickly and footsteps approaching. Monica knelt next to her and lightly placed her hand on her back. 

“Dana, hey, it’s ok, get it out” Monica said to her as she cried, not daring to make eye contact for fear of completely losing it. 

Mulder hadn’t been around in so long, and she felt guilty for allowing herself to give William up without him. He barely knew his son and she gave him away.

She noticed that Monica was now sitting on the floor next to her, studying her intently, searching for something to say. 

“You know, a long time ago, I sat with Mulder on a rock in the middle of a lake.” Dana started, “He thought a monster was ripping people in half. It was just a big crocodile. But I just remembered something.” 

Monica nodded and reached out to grab her hand. Surprisingly, Dana took it. 

“When we sat stranded on that rock in the middle of the night, Mulder said he wished that he’d had a peg leg. My dog, Queequeg, had just been killed by the crocodile.” The words poured out of her mouth as she looked past Monica’s face.

“But the most important thing we talked about was Moby Dick. He is his own Ahab, destined to take everyone around down with him for his quest. The x files, his sister, they’re his white whale. And I’m just Ishmael— eternally waking up in a coffin.” Dana let that out quickly. She hadn’t been so introspective in a long time. 

“And it seemed like a funny joke then but now it’s just so real and no matter how many times I read that book it’s all him. It’s my favorite book, one I'd pick up to escape, but it won’t drown him out anymore.” She was dissolving again. She felt a squeeze at her hand and realized that Monica was still there. 

“Dana, one day Mulder will be back, and you’ll be able to rewrite the bad Moby Dick memories. You’ll have everything you want. Until then, we can hang out— and find a new book to talk about. I’m here for you.” Monica said while smiling at her, though Dana could see watery eyes and the wear of the day on her face. In a way, Monica cared for William as her own. She knew it was a bad day for her too. 

“I’ll go get you some water and we can watch some TV, do whatever. One good thing has to happen today.” Monica told her as she stood up and headed to the kitchen. 

The nausea was still present, but maybe it's just motion sickness from the Pequod she seemed to have been living on for the past nine years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is set after the episode "genderbender" in season 1. It includes some David Lynch references if you're all about that like I am! I'm way too into his work. 
> 
> This is almost all fluff, but explores some of Scully's deeper feelings as well! 
> 
> And my one use of the word "mottled" is thanks to my favorite drag queen youtuber Juno Birch who is from Manchester, England. She plays The Sims and has me rolling every time she posts a new video.
> 
> Enjoy!

"And why do you sing with an English accent  
I guess it's too late to change it now  
You know I'm never gonna let you have it  
But I will try to drown you out"

It was a Tuesday night. They had just finished a pretty taxing case out in the field. It was mostly just distressing for her, and confusing. It felt like there was a gap of memory and a lot of haziness following their time in Massachusetts investigating “The Kindred”. There was definitely time she remembered after the gap, especially the abrupt disappearance of the whole community in a frustratingly UFO-like fashion. She couldn’t put her finger on what happened before that, though, and she was still feeling stuck there. 

After cases in the field, she and Mulder usually got together at one of their apartments to eat dinner and debrief. They usually shared some laughs and watched a corny creature double feature film. Tonight they were at her house, and Mulder would be over eventually. She had taken a shower and changed out of her plane clothes into a sweatshirt and sweatpants. She had been cautious about Mulder seeing her in anything but strict business clothes, but realized a skirt just wasn’t comfortable enough for all the time they spent together. 

There was a knock on the door and she opened it to see Mulder standing there. She let him in. 

As Mulder walked across the threshold, he looked at her and suddenly asked: 

“What kind of beer do you like?” 

she giggled and responded, “Heineken?” 

Grinning back at her, happy she caught the reference, he brought his voice up.

“Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!” 

Scully couldn’t help herself as she laughed, taking the 6 back of Pabst out of his hand as he extended it to her. 

They moved to their normal position in the living room, her sat on the couch and him on the floor next to the coffee table. He spread out the case files, papers, and photos on the table and looked up at her, beginning on a theory about where The Kindred could’ve gone. She was sipping from her beer bottle as they discussed, until the pizza came. Mulder jumped up and paid for it before she had the chance to say anything. She started to protest, but realized that after a few beers she just sounded whiny. She could not let that happen. Scully put that thought away and promised herself to bring it up at work tomorrow. 

She got two plates and brought them over to the table. They were taking a break to eat, and Mulder, between bites of pizza, asked her,

“Scully, I wouldn’t have taken you as a David Lynch fan! I’m glad you got that reference!”

Scully smiled, “I really liked Blue Velvet, Mulder. I watched it with my sister Melissa a bunch of times. She really likes his work. We watched Twin Peaks when it was on too, although we have differing opinions on a lot of things in that show.” 

Mulder seemed impressed with her answer. He responded with a laugh and a spark of joy in his eyes, “I think I need to meet this Melissa! She sounds like she has good taste. And I like Twin Peaks too. ‘Through the darkness of future past....’” He stopped to think for a second, she could see the wheels turning behind his eyes. “Scully, Blue Velvet has great music.” He said. 

“Are you sure it isn’t just because of Isabella Rossellini?” She said with a smirk and a quirk of the eyebrow. She agreed with him on the music part, but wanted to mess with him. 

“No” Mulder rolled his eyes. “I mean, that Roy Orbison song? ‘In Dreams’? It always brings a smile to my face”. And with that, he did something so unlike any Mulder she had seen before. He started singing. He wasn’t completely serious, but she could tell he had his heart in it. 

“In dreams, I walk with you. 

In dreams I talk, to you. 

In dreams, you’re mine, all of the time

We’re together, in dreams, in dreeaaaaammms”

Scully was giggling and Mulder was laughing along with her by the time he reached the last “dreams”. 

“Mulder, why do you sing with an English accent?” She said, catching her breath. 

“Well, you know I went to Oxford in England. That’s where I started my music career. I have so many albums and you’d never know because of the accent!” he said jokingly. 

She smiled and rolled her eyes. She got the joke, ha ha very funny. 

He continued, “Seriously though, when I got over there I wanted so badly for things to be different for me that I changed my singing voice. My speaking voice would be the same, but it was a nice little bit of control to have.” 

She nodded her head in seriousness. 

“I guess it’s too late to change it now!” He added at the end. She smiled and they continued their work. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a night of working on wrapping the case up, eating pizza, drinking beer, and talking about his time at school in England, it was time to pack it up. They did have to work in the morning, and Mulder said she was getting a little too “mottled” (a word for drunk he picked up on his college drinking tour of the UK, he joked). 

Throughout the night, he had prompted her to share about herself, but she kept deflecting for some reason. It was almost automatic. She could see by the look on his face that he knew he wasn’t going to get answers tonight. 

As she led him to the door and said the usual “goodbye, see you in the morning, thanks for the beer and pizza”, he gave her one last smile that felt different. Maybe a friendlier smile? It was no surprise they were becoming great friends, based on all of the time they spent together. She returned it as she shut and locked the door. 

All of a sudden her brain was flooded with thoughts. She realized and remembered almost instantly what had happened in Massachusetts. He found her almost being murdered by that man attempting to violate her. She made her way to the bathroom to splash water on her face. She turned on the sink and a wave of nausea hit her. She went along with it. She didn’t say no. 

Her scientist mind knew it was a strange physiological effect, but her stomach continued to churn and she dashed to the toilet to puke, just like she had walking out of that confusing community. The faucet was still running and as she lifted her head, she focused on the rushing water from the sink. It drowned out the shame she felt of Mulder seeing her like that. Weak and stupid. The whoosh of the water calmed her as she sat with her knees to her chest on the bathroom floor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set in the earlier seasons. this one is genuine and sweet. 
> 
> enjoy!

"You said when you met me you were bored  
You said when you met me you were bored  
And you you were in a band when I was born"

The car ride seemed much longer than it should have. The long stretch of highway got longer every time they rounded a curve. They were deep into rural Idaho, criss crossing through mountains. It was late summer, with the distinct, humid smell of rain in the air. The window was cracked on both of their sides, Scully in the passenger seat and Mulder driving. Sometimes he insisted on driving, and after a while, attempts at arguing to take over seemed futile. 

Out of nowhere, Mulder glanced at her and asked, 

“Scully, do you know how much better you've made the FBI?” 

she was taken aback, but noticed the sincerity in his voice. Usually, he tends to joke around more serious topics. Rarely does he bring them up. 

She answered softly, “I don’t really know how it was before I got here.” 

Mulder looked ahead at the road, always careful, even when they hadn’t seen another car for at least an hour and a half. 

“It was boring. When I met you, I was bored.” he laughed. 

She smiled, replying “Well, I don’t see myself as someone who makes things exciting, but it’s nice to know that I made things less boring”. 

Still with an air of authenticity, he glanced over to her and caught her eyes. 

“But in general. You made the FBI better for everyone. You joined me on the x files and keep it running. Exposing the government’s secrets is definitely your forte”. 

She giggled and snorted, “Mulder, me?” For some reason, she felt herself beaming. Maybe it was the mountain air, but she felt really happy. 

“Mulder, do you think there are any stations out here?” She asked. 

Mulder smiled at her, “Scully, I genuinely doubt it. But take a look. Maybe we can find something interesting”. 

She leaned forward and turned the dial on the radio until there was a weak signal. The tune was “I Get Around” by the Beatles. 

“Scullay!” He shouted. She secretly loved when he said her name like that. “This song is great! I remember it came out in 1964, thanks to this eidetic memory of mine. I used to sing and dance to it like I was in a band all around the living room. I was four years old, but it still sticks”. 

She leaned forward and turned it up. The reception was clearer than she thought. She sat back and listened to Mulders commentary. 

“Scully, you were born in 1964, right?” 

She nodded. Obviously she had heard Beatles songs, but she definitely couldn’t remember that far back. 

“Scully, we should start a band.” Mulder said, laughing. 

She laughed with them, as they continued down the road to a case they wouldn’t solve.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set after the pilot, very hopeful scully! 
> 
> enjoy!

"I have emotional motion sickness  
I try to stay clean and live without  
And I want to know what would happen  
If I surrender to the sound  
Surrender to the sound"

It had been a whirlwind first case with agent Mulder. They had returned from Oregon earlier that day, and though she was able to control her cool demeanor, her internal feelings were swirling. As she walked through her door, she felt a smile creep on her face and a sensation glow in her chest. She was a staunch skeptic and scientist. But the case they had just worked took so many turns and left so many questions unanswered that she was starting to see the thrill of chasing “the truth”. 

She brought her bag to her room and began unpacking. Her mind swam with questions, not only about their previous case, but about the future. She was placed in this division by mysterious men, half of whom she didn’t know the names of. It was clear they wanted her to discredit agent Mulder, but she knew she couldn’t do so in her right mind. She wasn't any sort of secret agent. The case had sparked interest in her, but she wouldn’t let on how it made her feel to agent Mulder. 

She had worked hard to cement her cold exterior. She hadn’t really been an emotional person to the world. She took everything so seriously and pushed it all down to please her father. It served her well in some arenas, but terribly in others. The FBI had provided her an opportunity to establish herself as someone serious, and she was not going to let that slip away. 

Walking into the kitchen, she started the water for some tea. It was part of her nighttime routine. She wondered when her heart would stop soaring and her mind would stop racing with possibilities. 

After getting ready for bed and putting on her favorite pajamas, she got under the covers and switched the lights off. With a smile, she wondered that maybe this assignment would allow for her to surrender to the whirlwind of emotions that life causes, instead of building walls up. Sleep came easily that night.


End file.
